Update UFO UpDates

UFO UpDates is the leading Ufological Mailing List on the Internet. This blog is a snide swipe bitch fest at some of the characters and threads that come up on the List. Visitors here are encouraged to be indescribably rude and abusive about Updates posters. You can subscribe to Updates at ufoupdates@virtuallystrange.net and join in the fun.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Is Tim Printingshop Right After All? Can I Keep it Up?

There is an art to writing these blog entries you know and a formula seems slowly to be taking shape. The first and most important point I try to decide on beforehand is the “fuck” quota. It can vary posting to posting and depends on intended impact. If I want to go right off the Penisonhead Aggressive Male testosterone scale then usually its about 15 or so fucks in a posting, but to be honest, I’m not sure that I’ve ever got to that many which makes me really question how angry and aggressive I truly am. As Printingshop asked elsewhere at this blog, is it possible to remain angry and plain repulsive and unpleasant for ever? Well, I’m going to damn well try, just for you boys and girls, because I know how much you appreciate it, but I ask for mercy and consideration if occasionally an element of “niceness” creeps in.

One such dollop of niceness is about to descend upon you, very much, really, like a lump of bird shit falling from the heavens, but it will be brief because I feel slimy and dirty for doing it. I wish to congratulate Mickeymous (Anonymous) for two very recent interesting postings in the comments sections. The first is message 20 in the outstanding Tedious Bunch of Retards posting, now sadly probably gone from the bottom of this page, in which he finally applies some reasonable common sense and logic and acknowledges that I am not Regan. On the other hand I could call him a slow witted slime oozing bundle of green snot because although he got there, he should have got there in the same fashion months ago. Idiot!

The other interesting posting from Mickey is in the thread below this, Is Regan Jewish? in which he posts a URL of a self portrait by the lady.


You will probably have to cut and paste to get it but it’s worth it because my God; Regan is a hottie, although she does have some issues. She has a funny yellow nose and the same coloring extends to the bags under her eyes, and also, her choice of hair shade is a bit bizarre. She’s heavy on the eyeliner too, although that is always, of course, a matter of personal choice and we wouldn’t want to be seen to judge regarding that. And for some reason, she has enormous triangles of brown on her cheeks but really I shouldn’t mention those either as they could be the remnants of some disfiguring childhood illness. Her nostrils stare back at you a bit eerily as well, almost as if they have a life of their own and are getting ready to speak. I wonder what would they say? Other than that, she is a very beautiful lady. Mind you, apparently it was a bad day.

Niceness over; Anonymous, you’re a twat.

You will be thrilled to know that I now have a Sick Stick, a gift from a helpful reader and it means that from here on, after I have been sick here, instead of fishing around in it with my fingers to search for items of interest, I can poke around instead with the stick which I’m sure you’ll all agree is much more hygienic. I look forward to my next heave. They are such exciting events.

Oh yes, I knew there was something else………UFOs. I knew this blog had a purpose. Shit, it’s gone dull on UpDates again, hasn’t it? Lehmberg, write a serious posting for Updates and make us all hysterical again.

I was going to "go" then but I remembered a couple of things. Firstly Regan I'm sorry, because this might begin to get tedious but you'll have to do a link to this thread too now.

And also, and this isn't a dig at anyone in particular, but what do you think of these self indulgent, up their own asses, inward looking, shallow, conceited, vain, twat heads who think that we're the slightest bit interested in what fucking mood they're in while they're writing their fucking god-awful blogs? I mean, WHO CARES? WE DON'T. KEEP YOUR FUCKING NARCCISTIC INANE DRIBBLING RAMBLINGS TO YOURSELVES.

I guess that means I don't think I like them. Oh, and guess what mood I'm in.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Is Regan Jewish?

I dunno guys, is she?

OK I’m being sarcastic. We know she’s Jewish. Do you know how we know? She tells us like almost every day. I’m sure I exaggerate slightly but it certainly seems like that. Oiya broch! Between all her sites there can’t be a week goes by without her hoisting some headline on one of them about Judaism and Ufology or Judaism and something else.

But Regan, you were educated in a Catholic school for Christ’s sake. A broch tzu dir! A chorbn, a kappore. What are you; a maidel mit a klaidel? Enough already.

How many Jewish aliens do you know? None; they’re all Jesuits with Socialist leanings towards Parsis. You think they have shuls on Zeta? Givult!

And is Oregon really a suitable place for a naice Jewish girl to live? C’mon. I mean, all that fresh air??????? What’s with?

I’m going to be ever so helpful and wise, because I’m very good at that, and suggest you turn your attention to a more challenging pursuit; try and get another posting up on UpDates. $10 says you can’t. The last one wasn’t bad – a bit girlie because boy Ufologists don’t worry about things like that, but the feminine side of me thought you made a good point. In case anyone missed it, it appears Regan wants to investigate an old case (at the back of her wardrobe) and is worried that she might trigger some alarm bells at Homeland Security or the FBI. A good idea for not doing anything really and I almost congratulated you publicly but thought it would be a bit too patronising. I don’t mind being a little bit like that but there’s no point in treating women totally like they haven’t got a brain at all. Just a teeny weenie one, which is something Mickeymous should know about, and I’m not talking about his brain.

And now a personal insight into my own genderist sexism. I am appalled to notice that during the course of writing this significant blog entry, I haven’t said “fuck” once. And a part of me suspects that’s because I am addressing a woman. How fucking sad is that? I mean, how pathetically shit faced, fucked in the brain, dumb assed sad is that? A bit, but not too much.

I would like to thank the NSW Beth Din, Morrie the Kosher butcher and my best pal Mel Gibson for help in composing this blog entry.

And for pure unbridled anti-Semitism disguised as “European compassion” coupled with no cogniscent argument, logic, or any real awareness of historical fact, try this blog by a well known member and contributor of UFO Updates:


Friday, October 27, 2006

It’s Halloween, Nearly A Full Moon, So The UpDates Beast Is Back

Be very afraid. He has been lurking in the forestry of the sidelines, hidden, silent, watching, alert to the opportunity to pounce once more. His pickings have been lean for a while but his presence has never been in doubt. There have been far away sightings on other Lists, there has even been the trace of droppings on 1947. But his victim on UpDates must be right. He must be someone seen as lacking Ufological weight, who makes what the Beast considers to be an unsubstantiable statement or claim. The Beast will weigh it up and if he thinks he can make a meal out of it, he will pounce without mercy.

Keep children in doors and if you are member of the Updates mailing list, then keep silent for a few days, until he passes and goes looking for a meal elsewhere. Brad Sparks is back.


If he catches you, he will rip your Ufological lungs right out and eviscerate the rest of you, until you’re nothing but a pile of steaming gizzards and innards being fed upon by carrion carnivores. While the rest of the List stand around, embarrassed and uncomfortable but too cowardly to get involved unless he turns on them…………….

Geoff, you’re a dead man.

Evacuation.......Already A Subscriber?

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Lehmberg has had this poetry crap corner all to himself and I’m gonna kick his ass because he isn’t very good to start with. This is how it’s done Alfred, as you’ll read below – with skill and flair. This is poetry.


As I survey the wreckage that passes for the UFO scene in 2006;
The web sites, the message boards, the blogs, the buzz and so on,

I try to assess the intelligence of the individuals involved in
And committed to,
This subject.

“Intelligence” doesn’t cover it all.
Perhaps I also mean the likeability,
The roundedness as humans,
And the level of maturity in the sense of personal development,

That flakey sort of stuff.
What do I see?
Indeed what do I feel about you all?
What do I think?

This is the image that comes to my mind:

I am in an upstairs room in my house.
I open the window.
I peer outside at the small river that is an allegory
For Ufology that flows immediately below.
I undo and drop my trousers,
I climb onto the little step that is there
At the foot of the window,

I turnaround so I am now facing back into the room
And carefully wedge my ass out of the window
So that it is now poised 20 feet above Ufology, sorry, the river.

And I sit and wait.

Soon, upon the river,
Along comes a boat.
In it I spy
Anonymous and Mr. Penisonmyhead.
And others.
But not Anonymole, strangely.

I hum a song. Hey nonny, hey nonny, hey no…………………………………………..

The boat comes nearer.

I start to strain…………………

Out of politeness and consideration I yell


Alas, I am too late.

And I don’t really care.
Because if I did I would have yelled earlier or not have bothered in the first place.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Twat The Fucking Useless Gerbil

The current exchange on Updates between Don Ledger and Eugene Frison is going to end in a fight. Here is the latest exchange:

What If Earth Is A Penal Colony For Aliens?

Normally I would quote extracts from the email to make and emphasise my points but unfortunately, when it comes to anything to do with Eugene at all, it is extremely boring and very hard to concentrate on. He just drones on and on. And on. But you can see for yourself if you can muster the effort. It was an email exchange that started off in a cordial and friendly manner but notice that now there is a harder edge to the language and minor insults are beginning to flow.

It won’t be long before they are calling each other twats. Except that Don, who is a pucker kind of guy, won’t go there. He isn’t that confrontational. If it were anyone else, I would be calling them a wimp and a nancy boy and telling them to roll their sleeves up and to get stuck in and twat the useless fucker. But for Don I’ll make an exception. Just this once.

Still, it would be nice to see blood letting on Updates again. Long time since we had a proper ruckus.

A$50 says the moderator has to step in and separate them.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

New Face On My Ass

This is a sad moment. If there has been one persistent thread that has maintained itself here over the months that this marvellous and frightfully funny blog has been in existence, other than the obvious one which is that I am the most appalling human being on the planet, then it is the battle against a lack anything resembling humor on UpDates. It is a List filled with the most miserable, sour faced drones you could never wish to meet.

If there has been one person who has carried the banner of mirth in the right direction, then it has been “English Features” Stuart Miller.

I like Stuart Miller. OK, someone has to. I like him because I sense a certain something that makes me think that if he was a man and I was a man, we could get it on together, (as long as Biddy didn’t find out). But mostly I like him because he’s stupid. Not stupid in the sense that he’s stupid, although he might be that, but stupid in the sense that he has a stupid sense of humor, which is stupid. You can see his stupid sense of humor in his stupid magazine.

Now, I like stupid. And I like his stupid magazine. You can tell that I'm a bit stupid too because you can see stupid things here on this stupid blog. So as I say, I like Stupid Stuart Miller. He makes me laugh. He’s funny in a stupid sort of way. Except when he isn’t funny but thinks he is. Some of the things he does don’t work and then they come off as stupid. Then they’re not funny. They’re stupid.

That face On Mars shit was stupid. That thing looked nothing like a face let alone one on stupid fucking Mars. It was…………silly.


You’ve let me down Stupid Stuart. You’re the one person I rely on to at least make me smile on fucking Updates from time to time but at the risk of sounding like one of the drongos that “contribute” down below, your standards, Stupid Stuart, seem to be slipping. This will not do. You will be punished. I am going to compare you to Greg Boone. That is a serious punishment. Your Face on Mars shit was about as funny as Greg Boone. Slash wrists time. The shame of that should haunt you forever. Now fuck off and go and be funny again, this time properly.

I think I might Have Made A Mistake

The mistake I am referring to is the assumption that most people are relatively normal.

Before I go any further, let me acknowledge that I know I am now officially picking on Kathy Kasten. Just to redress the balance, immediately after I put this up, I’ll post something nasty about somebody else.

But I am now coming to the conclusion that Kathy Kasten is, well, odd. You mean odder than I have already painted her out to be? Yes. How?

Nice of you to ask Artie but it goes like this. Yesterday on Updates, besides the other shit she posted, she put this up:


Review Of Good's New Book

UFOs, The Military and Intelligence
by Timothy Good
Sidgwick and Jackson

The subject of UFOs has always been a controversial affair. Far too many enthusiasts end up joining fringe groups or cults. Today, serious research is performed by only a handful of researchers willing to communicate and discuss the subject with academics or those charged with watching our skies. Two decades ago Timothy Good researched and wrote Above Top Secret: The Worldwide UFO Cover-Up.

It goes on. What she has done is to take the press release on the book and post it on Updates as a book review.

This is about as helpful as a horse crapping on an IPod. There isn’t any point.

If you’re going to submit a review on a book, put in one you’ve written yourself, you silly cow.

This woman is an idiot.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

High Horse For Ms. Kasten Please

Should complete fuckwits be let anywhere near an email facility on a computer? Should women with blond hair be allowed to reproduce? Should elderly people be allowed to offer an opinion? Is UFO UpDates the graveyard for those who have been born with a certain mental deficiency, specifically a sense of humor bypass? Why do I even put a query there – the answer to all these questions bar the last one is “No” with an obvious “Yes” to the Updates poser.

Yesterday Kasten managed to piss off my dearly beloved Biddy and she’s now done a marvellous job on me today. She’s obviously not our favourite poster on UpDates at this blog.

Yesterday John Scheldroup posted a complete load of bilge on Dulce – a long, rambling, boring load of nonsense with various links to web sites about massive drills, security guards, and other dribble.


Below is a replica of his first paragraph printed verbatim. Notice anything? Like the g> at the end of the first sentence? Oh that, yeah.

>A few insights regarding the Dulce Underground Base that you

>might find interesting but make a special effort to check out
>the Rand link. g>

So what comes back from Miss Peroxide Bottle? This load of hectoring, high handed arrogant twaddle.


“When one does not read material with a critical mind, this is what happens. Sci-Fiction is treated as a fact:

1) There is no there there. The poster would know this if they had visited Dulce. The entire Dulce fantasy was a creation of the US AFOSI to send Paul Bennewitz over the edge into insanity. (See Greg Bishop's well documented book "Project Beta.")

2) The Rand Corporation is a think tank; they do not have security guards at a fantasy place created in an attempt to fool certain segments of the public.

Quote whatever you think you have to, but could it be from creditable sources, not writers who think it is funny to subvert the serious investigation in the phenomena referred as UFOs? Huh! Can that happen? Please!”

Stupid woman.

Then Stupid Old Man chips in: This from Dick Hall:


“A fervet Amen to that, Kathy. It's not UFO abductees who are fantasy prone. It is fuzzy thinking, uncritical would-be ufologists. And now I’ve been nice to you and stuck my nose as far up your ass as I can possibly shove it, would you make an old man happy and perform an unnatural sexual act on him?”


It is true we all make mistakes but in her rush to self righteous indignation, just so she can feel good about herself at someone else's expense, Kasten has rushed to self inflicted humilation at her own expense. Dick Hall doesn't have to rush anywhere to make a twat of himself.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Masterful Kimball Spanks Kasten and Makes me Come

Biddy here.

Arthur has asked me to look after this one as I have taken a shine against Kasten. Arthur knows that if Kasten comes anywhere near him, I’ll throttle her first and then I’ll wallop him second with a frying pan. Arthur likes strong women. He likes me.

Oh Kimbally, Kimbles, sweetykins. You are nearly as masterful as Arthur when he has a drink in him and a raging horn. That Kasten was getting too mouthy, too flippity with her replies and her retorts. She thought she could cheek her way through Updates, making cowering cringies out of normally languid men. Why, even Lehmberg was sent ascurrying back to his mouse hole after being bush whacked by the rolling pin bearing harridan. Held high in her hand were two small sorry looking round things and Alfred forevermore squeaks in a high voice. But her thunderball progress came to a crashing, juddering stop as she suddenly hit the brick wall known as Kimball. This man take no shit. This man he has balls.

Arthur doesn’t normally re print Updates postings here as it’s usually too dull and boring but I have insisted and he knows better than to refuse a woman on heat.

This is the latest posting that has got me very hot and florid:

There are individuals who have turned what could have been a scientific investigation into a belief in a myth.

Kathy: Absolutely. However, this broad, sweeping over-generalization ignores the fact that there are still plenty of good people who treat the UFO phenomenon not as a myth, but as a subject worthy of serious scientific, historical and journalistic study. I would suggest you ignore the former, focus on the latter, and, with respect, be a little more careful about confusing the two.

Paul: Could you read the e-mail all the way through?

I did.

I stated "there are individuals," not "all people who are involved in Ufology." Apparently, you are ready to react instead of defend ufology. Not a good sign!

Dodging responsibility for what you wrote is never a good sign either. Here is the full paragraph that you originally wrote:

"The point is that UFOs is the new mthology according to Bullard. I agree with him. There are individuals who have turned what could have been a scientific investigation into a belief in a myth."

To summarize:

1. UFOs are "the new mythology" according to Bullard.
2. You agree with him.
3. Individuals have turned what could have been a scientific investigation into a belief in a myth.

Now, to me at least, that reads as follows: "UFOs are the new mythology... it could have been a scientific investigation, but it isn't, because individuals (presumably ufologists, as you don't indicate that they are somehow exempted) have turned it into a belief in a myth."

To me the damning line, which deserved the rejoinder I provided, is: "what could have been a scientific investigation".

Said scientific investigation has, in fact, been going on from the get-go (although not to the extent that I would like to see). Your statement ignores that completely, and paints, as I said, a broad-brushed, over-generalized picture of "the new mythology".

I've been critical of the frauds, charlatans and, yes, the wide-eyed believers who can be found in ufology, but I've always been careful to differentiate them from the serious researchers. I didn't see that anywhere in what you wrote, and I still don't.

The end.

These are the previous postings in the thread.


Paul, you were simply magnificent. You were so masterful, so strong, so firm, so………..oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhfuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Geez. Thank God for Rabbits. Please don’t tell Arthur. I can barely catch my breath.


PS. You can come round and give me a real seeing to anytime. I'm going to read that email again. And again. Blush.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Tedious Bunch of Retards

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Do We Care

Do we care if earth is a penal colostomy for aliens?

Do we care about why ET’s here?

Do we care if there’s another pig ugly face of Mars?

Do we care if there’s an alien scheme?

Do we care if John Keel is on his way out?

Do we care if Carl Sagan has risen from his grave and opened a supermarket?


Do we care about anything? Yes.


Fish cakes.

Is that what you’d like to see discussed on Updates? People talking about fish cakes?



You have to ask?

I see your point.


I am Biddy. I am a friend of Arthur’s. He and I share things. He has promised me for a long time that he would let me say something here and thinks it’s good for a women’s perspective to be aired. There’s a double entendre in there for anyone who can be bothered. Before I say anything he said I should introduce myself. So here goes.

Hi, I’m Biddy.

Well that’s that then.

That Kathy Kasten seems a hard nosed, grab ‘em by the short and curlies and twist them till there are tears running down their cheeks kind of a gal. She takes no shit from no one. She reckons she’s in a man’s world and has to play them at their game. She big boss woman.

Unfortunately, she knows shit. She’s funny cos she frightens the men a little, a bit like a nipping Chihuahua, and they kind of back off. Chihuahuas get stood on from time to time though Kathy. You come anywhere near my man and I’ll maul your titties off dear. Arthur likes strong women.
He likes me.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Get Out Of It You Old Duffer

Supreme Commander Jim Moseley has had his day. It is time for him to step down and hand his crown over to me. He was never that funny in the first place and I say to those who bristle at that remark, show me something funny that he has said or written. Go on, show me. The only reason people speak with infection about him is because he’s been here for ages. Well now its time to piss off and stand aside and let someone who really knows how to make himself laugh take the wheel. What you see on this page is the new way, the way of the naughties. This is modern humor, here. See, feel it. It’s lascivious isn’t it?

UFOs aren’t in themselves particularly funny but the people who are interested in them are. That nice Jason Gammon for example……D’jaknow? I can’t even say the name without falling off my chair, I mean, the guy is just so screamingly hilarious. And twozzle features, halitosis face, whatis name, you know who I mean…….. John Scheldroup, that’s it! He’s a goat. I mean he just smells like the drivel he talks.

Now, isn’t the above paragraph funny? Be honest, when did you last laugh like that. Now that is humor.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


Vos es a canis. Vos have brains of a snail quisnam has been eaten per a sus. Vestri caput capitis est tantus ut vos cannot ingredior per foris vacuus hitting vestri ferreus. Super annus is has had an accumalating motum , adeo ut vos currently have mental aevum of a three annus vetus. Vos have nusquam loquor quod nusquam ut affero. Vos would exsisto melior off sitting in a angulus in a scamnum totus dies in vestri own , non sermo ut alius liberi.

Alius ut , Ego per amo vos.

Eugene, You Are One Boring Twonker

Eugene Frisson has a point about Stan Freidman. He has avoided getting into a long drawn out debate with Huge about something or other to do with ET and proof. One can’t deny it; Stan has done this and in so doing has avoided the issue. Stan is a clever man. The reason he hasn’t done it is because Huge is the biggest fucking bore walking the face of this planet. Like I mean, even worse than me. It is true that some people make the same allegation about Lehmberg; that if something could be said in 3 lines Alfred will take 8. But Huge will take 15. This is truly a man who likes the sound of his own voice. This is his latest offering. See how far you can get. I bet you can’t read it through to the end – I bet you anything. If you can, come back and tell us.



Thursday, October 12, 2006


Hello Regan.

As you can’t but help have noticed over the last few months, I am an unpleasant person and in continuance of that behavior, I mention your name in the headline of this blog cos I know it will scare the freaking b’jesus out of you and I like scaring women cos it makes me feel big. I know I frighten the crap out of you but I have to say, and you shouldn’t fight it, that there may be a synchronicity between us. Look at what happened yesterday with that nice man Tim Printy. That was very telling, wasn't it. Be honest Regan; do you have secret panderings of desire for my personage? I ask because I can’t get past the reference to this blog on yours yesterday which was quickly followed by a reference to UFOs and sex. There is a message there. It was as if the two stories were intertwined as one and linked. And that abrupt ending to the Sex link - "That's enough" - as if it was all getting too much for you and you needed to stop and resume breathing normally. You brazen vixen!!

And that endearing nickname you have for me because I am the one whose name you dare not speak; "the pink one." That appears to be a direct reference to my sexual organ. Ah shucks, you’re embarrassing me………….

BTW, I do like the way you wallop skeptibunkers over the head all the time. You are very forceful. They are a waste of time, aren’t they? They are bad people.

I hope you don’t think I’m being bitchy when I say that I think Lesley’s getting very girlie on her blog these days, isn’t she, what with that silly certificate business and occasional pix of cuddly kittens and children and shit. If it keeps her happy though………..

As its “Be Nice To Regan” day today, or at least for the moment – you never know with me cos I can’t always get to the medication - perhaps you would like to suggest someone I can be nasty about. Your choice. Other than me, who pisses you off most within Ufology, and don't say freaking skeptibunkers. Tell me on your blog and I will do your bidding. Do you have any recommendations for zit removal by the way? I’ve got one that I keep “doing” and it keeps coming back. Should I try an axe?

If you like waffle and poorly constructed argument, then Regan’s excellent blog can be found at

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Tim Printy is a Knob

In what I would have to acknowledge is a very thorough rundown at UFOs: A Skeptical View http://members.aol.com/TPrinty/UFO.html, Timsy does an excellent and quite up to date (though with some exclusions so you don’t know it all) overview of the current UFO “scene” in terms of web sites and blogs etc. He has picked up on this one and this is what he has to say about it:

Update UFO Updates is a recent addition that seems to be run by somebody who has a bone to pick with those posting on the UFO Updates list. It appears to be somebody from the old RRR Group but that is just a guess. It has a similar style of blasting people. I do read it but I find many of the comments rather immature. I guess it is like a car wreck. You may not want to look but you look anyway! Take this one with a grain of salt and don't get too angry. Personally, I don't think this blog will last. You can only be angry at everyone for so long (although some people manage to do it!).

Oh dear.

1. I don’t have a bone to pick with the posters on UFO Updates other than the fact that the majority of them are a bunch of arrogant, retarded, stupid, blustering bigoted bores who are only fit for the trip to the glue factory.

2. This blog has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with that rag, tag and bobtail mix of sexually and mentally dysfunctional societal rejects that made up the RRR. And compared to me, they were fucking Mother Teresa in freaking drag. I am pleased to say I am far worse.

3. I agree; many of the comments are “rather immature”. Now fuck off.

4. A grain of fucking salt? This won’t fucking last? You can only be so fucking angry for so fucking long? Are you having a fucking laugh? Shit! You’re right. I apologise for the foul and abusive language and I also offer my sincere apologies to any and all who I may have offended by my comments and observations on this blog. From now on I shall be a model of self restraint, politeness, consideration, and artful observation. No more nastiness because frankly, it just doesn’t achieve anything and is very childish. If you can’t say anything nice about people then don’t say anything at all. I am a reformed character, calm, reflective, and ……………. Printy; this isn’t what you really want, is it? Nah, I didn’t think so.

Pasty Faced Clown At It Again

What is it about Greg Boone? I know; he’s an idiot! Most of his posts to UpDates are childlike monologues about “Hey folks, we better watch out or else” type shit dirges. Its all nicely paragraphed and laid out for the second graders who are going to read it, for it is pitched at that level. An added bonus is the fact that Greg has friends in every conceivable type of profession and industry, and family that comes from every corner of the planet, or so it seems according to what he’s spouted on the List over time. Also, he’s a wimp. If anyone’s nasty to him he will simply cut and run. If the occasional mood does take him, he will hiss and spit back briefly and then vamoose. No prolonged entrenched warfare.

Another thing he likes to do, and it’s intensely irritating, is to lobe grenades. He will pop up with a statement or question that catches the eyes and brains of the more simple folk who habituate UpDates and starts a discussion. He then steps back and makes no further contribution, happy to watch on the sidelines as his handiwork takes hold and we have to endure a week or two of brain dead “conversation”.

There are some people that just get on your nerves and he’s one of them.

But God forbid, he should attempt humor. And he just has. See:


“I propose NASA send a new spacecraft to Mars.

It should be about 1,000 miles long and shaped like a fork.

It would target the Cydonia region and especially the formerFace On Mars. Once the craft breaks through the pink Martian atmosphere it would embed itself square into the forehead of therock formation formerly known as the Face On Mars.

We would then rename the region to:

Put A Fork In It Already, Mars.

A great soon to be tourist attraction.

Okay, away from the funny stuff.”

What funny stuff you dickhead? This is humor? Oh Puleeze! Someone take this guy out back, bury him face down in the ground with his ass just sticking out, and use his crack to park their bike in. Or better still, just shoot him.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

What the fuck is a Transhuman??

What with the up ‘n coming Kimball conference bean-fest in Halifax soon, there has been much talk of late about transhumanism. Mac Tonnies has claimed for some time that he’s one and people have let him get away with it but it is only now, after the spotlight has shone more intensely on the subject, that people have started to ask more questions. Are you one of those who have asked these question? No? Well then you’re a pretty dozy twat aren’t you. Stop reading this and go and look at Kevin Randle’s blog or some other girlie shit.

Regardless of what people like Tonnies may tell you, transhumanism is a cult just like the Raelians or the Lemurians. It does involve committing to a number of fundamental and controversial principles and activities and joining them results in a complete abandonment of your previous life. Also, you’ll look different. Here are the main issues;

1. All your income is kept. By you. You don’t give any of it away.

2. You get to shag anyone you want, not just that hulking Amazonian witch that the Raelians parade when they want to recruit another bunch of masturbatory 14 year olds.

3. Transhumanism is actually an alternative physical state from which, after you’ve passed into it, you become capable of a higher dimensional thinking which in turn enables you to get a 10% discount on admission to Costco movie houses. But……….. inevitably there is a catch. It requires a two stage transformation, the first of which is a surgical operation upon completion of which you will have assumed the physical characteristics of a cat/human hybrid. You will have a tail, you’ll purr but you will still be able to speak, and you’ll spend hours licking your ass. This is because hence forth, you will do most of your speaking through that orifice.

4. The second part of the transformation is mystical and evolves a supreme mental effort. For, having mastered the ability of talking through your asshole, you finally have to transmorph into one. In other words, you need to become a complete asshole. This is incredibly difficult and as yet has been beyond the abilities of all bar one person, namely the leader of the cult, Ali Gee lookalike George Dvorsky. And boy, has he been successful at it. You can find out why here and after you've read it you will leave a nasty comment.