Update UFO UpDates

UFO UpDates is the leading Ufological Mailing List on the Internet. This blog is a snide swipe bitch fest at some of the characters and threads that come up on the List. Visitors here are encouraged to be indescribably rude and abusive about Updates posters. You can subscribe to Updates at ufoupdates@virtuallystrange.net and join in the fun.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Thank the f..............

that Updates returned and returned fairly quickly too 'cos I tell you, I was that close to slashing my wrists. I mean, where would we be without the usual load of old windbags, off list shennanigans, posturing, chest thumping, dull ass aching, ear splitting nonsense that we have all come to lerve. That's actually easy to answer. We'd all be off leading wholesome lives, trying to get it off with the neighbour's dog while popping large volumes of E.

Personally, I'd be picking my nose a lot more too. But that's just me.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Do Aliens Shave Their Pubic Hair?

Staying with Hollis for a little while longer, cos he’s such a doll, I’m trying to work out what the attraction is. Of course it’s obvious; the List loves an idiot. I don’t mean someone who plays the fool, ‘cos there’s enough of them at the moment with Shell (Tim) and Miller finally coming together in a synchronistic convergence. Gee, if those two really get at it then a clown’s paradise will prevail. Have either of them anything at all to offer Ufology other than wise cracks and smart ass asides? No, the List loves a genuine idiot who breezes along with just a wisp of hope and when that hope quickly evaporates, they pounce like a cougar on a jack wabbit.

Hollis walks the walk and talks the talk. Only trouble is, he talks dribble and he walks with a decided limp. Despite Don Ledger’s clear doubts that Hollis has ever flown anything ever at all, I take him on that point and also on that of his supposed high security clearances pretty much at face value. I could be wrong and if I am, it’s largely irrelevant anyway. Even if he is as stated, he knows nothing, pretty much like the whole damned waste of time US Airforce/military/intelligence community when it comes to UFOs/LGM. If he did, he wouldn’t be there strutting his stuff looking for a massdebate.

The whole thing is a complete waste of time – not just Hollis but everything connected with Ufology period. We’ll never find out the truth because no one knows it. And if no one knows it then we can’t be told it and that means that the only way we can find out is if they tell us. By “they” I mean them, not that other lot who don’t know anything. And why would they tell us? Mind you, I guess we could always just ask. But who do we ask? Why, we ask them. But how do we find them to ask them? We could try standing in the middle of a crop circle and scream. What happens if they don’t respond?

We’re stuck.

I’m off to circumcise myself. I’ve nothing better to do to be honest.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Are You Rich Reynolds in Disguise?

Hollis Kimball is twatting himself up and all over the place on Updates and is doing a very good impersonation of our dear Rich. Are they one and the same? One of Rich’s little boys, AKA “Shamus”, tells me there is no connection and the similar style and identical twattery is pure coincidence.

“You piss me off, you get away with murder, and every time you post on Updates I’m gonna getchoo”. Eugene Frisson in reference to Stan Friedman.

“Rockets Missiles UFOs & Other Aircraft Hazards” – for once James Smith has posted an almost interesting, sensible, readable, and logical message. Give the guy a slap on the back. Better still, just slap him.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Ufology 101; When In Doubt – Masturbate.

It seems that all the so called best brains in Ufology can do when there isn’t much of any semblance or construct passing through that jelly that passes itself off as their brains is to post up on their blogs pictures of naked or near naked women. “Right boys. Enough of all that MJ12 shit; get your dicks out and get stuck into this”. Oh puleeze.

For your prurience

Kyle King

Mac Tonnies
This is "Lucie."

Paul Kimball
Veronica Reynolds UFO Fan Club - Vol. VIII

What kind of example gentlemen does that give to young, impressionable children coming into Ufology for the first time? That the subject is inhabited by a bunch of dirty old men? That original thought has been replaced by horniness? What about female Ufologists looking at this tripe? What would they think? Do these people care? This is simply absolutely appalling. I am going to be sick. Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalph. Oh, that feels better. Lucky I had a bucket handy. Ooher; there’s some carrot bits in it.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Thank God They’re All Gone

There was a dreadful crowd here before, which is why I haven’t posted for a few days. I am hoping they have all pissed off and gone to play somewhere else. Strange people with names like “Emperor” and “Kimball” and “Anonypox” and whatever. There were some wimmin here too. All awful people you wouldn’t have through your front door for fear of giving the cat apoplexia. You can see the mess they left behind down below. I am looking for cleaner readers; those that will do what they’re told to do and will shut up and just listen when told to as well. I just can’t stand fussy folk.

You're All idiots

I am now finding the Jesse Marcel thread on UpDates frustrating. I have actually enjoyed it for the detail and the back and forth. I’ve even learned a little bit of stuff from it, although admittedly not very much. And just for a change, I am actually going to bend over backwards not to be rude about the posting below which is taken from UpDates and is by Jason Gammon. The reason I use it as an illustration is because it is a timely reminder, at the point to which the debate has now arrived, as to just where the List is with all of all of this at this moment in time; absolutely nowhere and back where it started at the beginning.

Have a read through if you’ve not seen it so far.


"Please don't align yourself with this group. The ultimate truth behind the Roswell Incident is probably something so complex that most researchers, today, fail to grasp. Something happened in the desert near Roswell in 1947. Subsequently, countless documents were illegally destroyed. The behavior of the Military was abnormal, if not truly bizarre. The explanation that Project Mogul was the true cause of the commotion is completely absurd. It doesn't matter if a million weather balloons are strung together. No trained military personal are going to confuse a Project Mogul device with a supposed flying saucer.

With regard to the wreckage, and it's strange properties, we are only now creating alloys possessing the same properties as those of the crash debris. This is important because it does prove that the creation of said material is plausible. Also keep in mind that the statements of the witnesses have been highly warped over time. When a witness said "It's like balsa wood.", this doesn't mean the witness is claiming an extraterrestrial craft was made of balsa wood, instead he is claiming the material had similar properties. Remember, this was a time before plastic was widely known. Assuming you lived in this era, how might you describe plastic if you had no prior knowledge of it?"

The reason for my frustration is nothing to do with the length of time that the thread has continued. It is because I have now begun to wonder just how many times the truth of what happened at Roswell has to be placed under the public’s nose before people are prepared to look at it and take it on board. All are culpable. The sceptics are guilty because they fixate either on Mogul or, if they have no favourite solution, then they argue the time line or the detail of events right down to the final comma, and they do this just so they don’t have to give ground to the ridiculous concept of aliens from another planet actually landing in the New Mexico desert.

A much though as it pains me to say it, the believers in an alien solution to Roswell are just as fixated as the skeptics and simply cannot, or rather are incapable of looking beyond any other horizon than the one that currently stares them in the face. Theirs is myopia in the extreme and if any of these “magnificent” captains of ufology that are currently parading themselves on UpDates, like Mr Friedman or Mr Randle or anyone else that has jumped in to knock the skeptics, ever utters a word against simpleminded believers on other sites or even, for that matter, the New Agists, then I shall launch a campaign against them of such verbal ferocity on this site that it will make Ted Bundy looked like a pussycat. Because as far as I’m concerned, there’s no difference between any of them – they are all the same.

If I was sitting in the Pentagon right now, watching this thread, I would be creasing myself with laughter.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Daddy, this bit fell off.

"Look son, look what daddy’s brought you home to play with. It’s a piece of dabby dozy material off one of those flying saucers. Yes, yes, of course you can play with it son. Just bear in mind that the last guy to touch that was Slurgoth on Reta Zetadoodahs. That bendy piece of shit has come a long way to get here. You’ll be like only the fourth or fifth person in the entire history of Mankind ever to touch something as precious as that so mind you don’t spill any peanut butter over it. No Jesse, don’t do that with it. I’m sure the hamster would rather you didn’t try and shove the sharp bit up his ass. And no, you can’t use it either to clean out your ears. Yeah sure, go swap it if you want with Frankie next door for some gum but it’s got to be worth at least three packs. What’s that honey? Somebody from the press on the phone? What the fuck! How did they find out? Junior, did you call the papers? JUNIOR. Now what hon? Someone at the door from military intelligence? Oh yeah, right look colonel, I have the authority to classify anything I want to, so get lost. Etc. etc."

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


It is very difficult to get your head around the sort of mindset that would want to write the rubbish that is currently lying below this entry. It is clearly obvious that Arthur is someone who writes just for the sake of hearing his own voice in print and there is a strong suspicion that as the views are so off center that, unless he is mentally deficient, then he has simply posted this garbage for the sake of causing controversy. That doesn’t take a great intellect or very much of anything really. If the truth be told, he’s coming over as a bit of a pathetic bastard.

Gender should be absolutely irrelevant except in the obvious walks of life, such as reproduction for example, where it is obviously essential. Beyond that, is there really any point in highlighting someone’s sex? You could argue that in areas of life where either for cultural reasons or for reasons of bias, women have been traditionally poorly represented that when women do break through that barrier then it is worthy of comment. The problem is that then, men can then sound very patronising. I do however feel that Ufology is one such area where although women have certainly not been excluded, they have nevertheless been thin on the ground. I think therefore that the achievements of both Lesley and Regan should be lauded because they have “burst through”, achieved recognition, and have possibly laid the groundwork for others to follow. After all, what’s not to like? What exactly is Arthur’s problem? Lesley provides an excellent news service mixed with entertaining comment on focussed media matters while Regan has perhaps gone for a broader and more in depth writing style that reflects her intellect and insight.

If Regan or Lesley have in any way been discouraged by Arthur’s rantings then they should be ashamed of themselves; the man is a moron and his views are toilet fodder