Update UFO UpDates

UFO UpDates is the leading Ufological Mailing List on the Internet. This blog is a snide swipe bitch fest at some of the characters and threads that come up on the List. Visitors here are encouraged to be indescribably rude and abusive about Updates posters. You can subscribe to Updates at ufoupdates@virtuallystrange.net and join in the fun.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Are We All Mad?

I still can’t get over all that happy birthday Gerry crap. If that’s what the List has come down to, time to pack it all up and go back to our burrows to die peacefully.

I cannot stand those intolerant, arrogant, narrow thinking, frightened little turds who take every opportunity afforded to them to knock so called believers. Aaron Sulky-Bitch of The Triangle is one such that comes to mind. I don’t have a problem with people who hold views that are contrary to mine as long as they are held honestly. I thought I ought to write that last sentence because it’s the thing to do, isn’t it. You know, make yourself look reasonable and fair and all that shit. I do actually have a problem with anyone whose views are divergent to mine because it means they are wrong and stupid, and I can’t bear wrong and stupid people.

But assholes like Sulky-Bitch do it just to get up the tits of other people. They are so overwhelmed with what they see as the stupidity of “belief” that they just have to weigh in on the other side. They are nauseating. If nothing else with Sulky-Bitch, you have just got to ask yourself whether its right that someone who is as god damn plain out and out ugly as that twat is, has any right to be seen out in public, let alone be given a pubic platform. Jesus blessed Christ – all that’s missing is the fucking acne. That man will get to 60 or 70 and still look like some sap of a college loser who could never get laid. You could take that hair off his head and make long lasting matting or carpeting out of it.

Another fucking waste of space who attacks not just believers but the whole concept of UFOs is Rich Reynolds, now struggling for breadth yet again over at The Iconalist. Reynolds pumps out the same message time and time again with barely any alteration in the wording. Here though the motive is clear; it is malice. “I wanted to be accepted as a bigwig by the other bigwigs at UFO UpDates. They rejected me. I will anger them by saying these things. Also, I am too stupid to realise that although my words had some sort of impact first time round, I am now completely ignored and no one pays any attention to me any more except for idiotic fucks like this Arthur lunatic.” To describe Reynold’s actions now as sad would be an understatement. “Desperate” is more appropriate. Do us all a favor Rich and slit yer wrists.

The worst offender however in this league of imbeciles who attacks believers just for the sake of causing a stir is me. I truly cannot stand retards like myself because what marks me out as different from the dicks above is that they probably operate at some level of emotion. That doesn’t offer them an excuse but it does give an explanation of sorts for their totally reprehensible behaviour. Arthur has no such reasoning behind what I do. His actions, my actions, are cold and manipulative. I’m a bastard of the lowest order and although I love myself very much, I find people like me absolutely disgusting. I am beyond description and I simply cannot find the appropriate words. Take that crap I wrote yesterday. Do I believe it? Then why did I write it? To be controversial?

Actually, I’m a little uncomfortable telling you about this but there is a real reason after all, and it might go some way to explaining a few other things that have gone on around here. I have a multiple personality disorder and at the last count, Herman, my shrink, advised me that he had counted 6 different personalities that have surfaced in my sessions with him. At the moment I am writing this as Gerald who is a truly charming guy, although it was Arthur that started this blog and who seems to be the UFO buff. Biddy is a separate person so don’t get confused with that. And all of this brings me rather neatly round to this:

Are We All Mad?

Speaking of Eleanor White as we were, I got to wondering at just how much mental dysfunction or personality disorder there is within the UFO/paranormal community. I bet ya there’s a bit! There’s an interesting, admittedly subjective separation to be made. In my opinion, the concept and idea of extraterrestrial life is, and always has been a perfectly sensible and sound idea to pursue and to investigate. The proposition that life from other planets may have even visited here is also a perfectly respectable and valid thesis to consider and to investigate. I really can’t see how any sensitive thinking individual could argue otherwise.

So why then is it a subject that attracts nutters like myself? Answer; because the subject, despite its obvious status as a legitimate matter of consideration, has been successfully manipulated into a position of absurdity and because it’s absurd, only mad people get involved with it. And so, Ipso facto, if only mad people get involved with it, then it comes to pass that mad people do indeed get involved with it.

There can only be one answer and response. FUCK OFF.

Happy Birthday to Jerome Clark

See this shite:






God, that was a good one. Filled the bucket. Sick stick Biddy……………thank you my cherub. Uuuuuuum pasta of some sort, though I don’t remember eating any, though ain’t that always the way, cucumber, bit mouldy now though, aaah the dog food from this morning etc.

Alfred, do you have any semblance of self esteem left? Anything remotely resembling pride? Does the world have enough toilet paper left to wipe the brown stuff of his nose?


Monday, November 27, 2006

Anyone Who Believes This Shit Needs A Hemispherectomy

Is this poster a madman? Is he insane? Does he live in a world of make believe where fairies come out to play each sunlit evening and show their naughty bits to any one who gives them a dime?


From: Dale Ulmer <dale200499@yahoo.com>
To: ufoupdates@virtuallystrange.net
Date: Sat, 25 Nov 2006 09:15:02 -0800 (PST)
Subject: BBC News MoD & Illinois UFO

The following is an e-mail I sent to BBC News:



Mr. Mark Simpson should contact the Ministry of Defence and inform them on the Illinois incident where 4 police officers witnessed an incredible and huge craft. This is only one account of actual _real_ sightings.

In my opinion the report by the MoD is an unrealistic and unreliable piece of information considering the countless reports of numerous credible witnesses all over the entire globe.

A follow up by BBC should be performed on the determination of the existance of UFOs by the MoD.

BBC should investigate such reports by asking the MoD to do an investigation into the Illinois incident which I have provided a link to in this email. BBC should also conduct an investigation into these sighings as well and have their own conclusive report to compare with the MoD.

If we are to gain anything from the UFO phenomena then news agencies have to be willing to step into the light with courage and find the truth.

Oh puleeze. Anyone who has ever looked at that case knows that it was simply a USAF B748 dirigible, a now defunct and no longer used method and means of cargo conveyance.

Ulmer seems so desperate that he actually sounds like he’s ordering the BBC to do something about it. YOU WILL INVESTIGATE OR ELSE! This clown is an out and out believer. I can’t stand those blind, dumb, ignorant bastards. They believe we are being visited by aliens from other worlds. Any half baked, half assed cretin knows there is no such thing as intelligent life anywhere else and we’re alone, entirely and completely alone. Hell and fuck, there’s almost certainly no other life of any kind anywhere else in the whole freaking universe.

We are special here on earth. We were created by God and before you scoff, although I am religious, I don’t mean it in a religious sense. I’m not one of those ass-wretching, fucking dewy eyed evangelical head-in-the-sand types. But c’mon, you’re not going to tell me, however long Nature had to get it right, that all of this, this paradise that we live in, wasn’t designed by some powerful and very clever entity? Because if you are going to tell me that, you’re a fucking moron.

OK then moron, show me the proof then that we’ve been visited by other bright life. Go on. And wait just a mo; before you start shipping out by the bucketload all that crap about landing traces, half drunk or really dumb witnesses, photos, film and shit, let me tell you that I’m not really interested in any of that. Why? Because it’s all garbage. Truly, utter fucking, worthless garbage. Show me a living, breathing alien. Show me one of them and I’ll give you the time of day. Until then, shut the fuck up.

Ain’t nothing else anywhere else. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

Thursday, November 23, 2006




“Nothing matters. But then my brain hurts so why would it?”
Alfred Lehmberg

“I think women in Ufology is a great idea. I’m pretty much all of them”
Natasha Multipersonality

“So, I’m not a woman then? You bitch”

“”Synchronicity”. Isn’t that a nice word?”
F. Lakey

posted by UFO Bits at Friday, November 24, 2006

0 comments (yet, but I’m expecting the ususal collection of freaks along in a moment)


Hello dahlings. Regan here. Little pipseekins Artie has asked me to guest host the blog today so it’s my turn to turn the tableaux. Giggle, titter.

First, my adoring pubic, some shameless plugs. Now I’ve got those in and every cavity is sealed, we can get on. Well now, where to start. I know, why not from where I always start!

Skeptipelicanheadbunkers are beastly people. They’re not as nasty as Artie ‘cos he’s a right jerk but they still are pretty mean, aren’t they? I can’t hear you. Can you shout louder please: aren’t they? Yeeeeeer!

Are ya all having a good time? Yeeeeeeeeeeer!!!

All this Ufology is really working up a sweat!

Yes, those skeptix. I never understand what point they’re trying to make because how can you deny something that so many people say exists and have experienced? It just doesn’t make sense that they can be so closed to human feeling and I feel sorry for them. Some say (well Arthur actually) that I don’t understand them because they are all cleverer than me and use words I don’t know. But they say one thing and it never makes sense and they are all over the place and things and time for tea soon. Cookies. Yummy.

OK. Women that moon at you while you are driving by are really annoying. If I want to see bare buttocks, I’ll go look at Artie’s face (Yeeeeeeeer). So this case I’m researching, I’ve forgotten the details because it’s so long ago (yesterday pm) but its got something to do with a big round thing that flies. Well, it’s really interesting and I’m going to do some research on it. I am. I’m a researcher.

At the moment I’m having a good run with big foot stuff. When I did the last lot Lozzenge mailed me and I’m always tickled pink when someone famous gets in touch. The thing about Bigfoot though is like the body hygiene thing, duh. I mean, hasn’t that guy heard about shaving? Try


Mind you, the thought of a ten feet tall “thing” in my boudoir makes my eyes water.

Some other stories you might like:

Rabbi says, “If ET Exists, He’d Go To Liberal Temple”

Jewish Woman says, “Alien Monstered Me, Took Pictures, And Is Now Blackmailing Me Into Sleeping With Him Again, Otherwise He’ll Tell My Mortie”

The other day Paul Kimbles threw an orange peel at me. It wasn’t deliberate, he didn’t see me. But fancy him throwing one at little ‘ol me! Alfred threw a stogie at me once but that was deliberate so it doesn’t count.

OK. Here are all my other blogs. I’ve got one on Hellenic Art pre Grecian times, one for women who have been really brave and driven a car, another for coyotes cos I think nature’s wonderful, another in memory of dead chickens, (that’s enough – Arthur)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Masterful Shough Spanks Kasten and Makes me Come. Hang On. What the f…….

Biddy here. I ran this headline back in October and it was a piece about how Mr. Kimbling had forcefully handled feisty Kathy Kasten and been so strong and firm about it that he made me come. No bones about it: there was a puddle on the floor that could have filled a tub!

This is the bit that tickled my pink bits:

Dodging responsibility for what you wrote is never a good sign either. Here is the full paragraph that you originally wrote:

"The point is that UFOs is the new mthology according to Bullard. I agree with him. There are individuals who have turned what could have been a scientific investigation into a belief in a myth.

"To summarize:

1. UFOs are "the new mythology" according to Bullard.
2. You agree with him.
3. Individuals have turned what could have been a scientific investigation into a belief in a myth.

Now, to me at least, that reads as follows: "UFOs are the new mythology... it could have been a scientific investigation, but it isn't, because individuals (presumably ufologists, as you don't indicate that they are somehow exempted) have turned it into a belief in a myth."

Then yesterday, in response to a posting from Kasten, Martin Shough does this:

Anyway Robert Morningstar (how felicitous!) has proved to you that it is not Venus but a large anomalous object floating over the moon:

"The image of the 'Sky Object' shows it to be a very large, highly luminous triangular object floating above the lunar surface and apparently quite far beyond the lunar horizon. This would indicate that the object was very large."

In other words, it's a very large object so it must be far beyond the horizon, and because it's so far away and looks so big, well, it must be very large.

I accuse Mr. Shough of having come to this blog and of having read what I wrote. Martin; you are copying Kimbling’s style and have done so to ingratiate yourself with me. You think that because he made me come, you can do the same. Well I have news for you Marty; I might be easy but I do have some standards you know. For instance, I understand you are from the land of Scotland. Does that mean you wear a kilt? And does that mean you wear nothing under your kilt? And does that mean you dangle? And does that mean that when you walk, it swings around? Wait…………….. wait, give it a minute longer, wait..…………………….. Nope, sorry Martin, you just don’t do it for me like Kimbling does.

Does seem like a pattern is emerging though when replying to Kasten. BTW, don't forget, she's still got Alfred's balls in a little jar from the one time they tangled.

While I’m here and Arthur is off playing with himself (all he does most of the day) did anyone notice what a complete twat he made of himself yesterday dribbling on about Sparks? As I read what he wrote I thought, “Artie, are you writing about Sparks or are you writing about yourself? Cos bugger me if I can see the difference”. So Artie sees himself in Sparky, miserable bastard, and doesn’t like what he sees. I shall have to have a word.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Arthur Spits Some Spunk

The Beast of UFO UpDates returns again, sadly. This very lame excuse for a functioning human being, devoid of anything remotely relating to social skills or class, popped up to respond, not surprisingly, to a posting from the Village Idiot. Some strange magnetic attraction perhaps? What The Idiot had to say was irrelevant (what’s new!) but it’s the sheer crappy stupidity of what the Beast says in reply that brings me to the conclusion that he is a prime, first class twonker.


Bottom line is that the online crowd may be "sane and rational" (which is disputable) but you do not have Nobel Prize winning scientists, not a single one, online 24/7 discussing UFO's and trying to solve the mystery, despite as you say the "diversity of sciences" required by the UFO subject.

Renowned theoretical physicist Michio Kaku is favorably disposed to the UFO subject as he stated in his ABC Peter Jennings interview yet he would not be caught dead on UFO UpDates or other Web forums on UFOs. Think about why these forums and web-based media outlets are so avoided by Nobel-caliber scientists.

Besides the "flaming" and the unrestrained, unpoliced postings by the insane and irrational (contra your "sane and rational") there is also the factor that the level of discourse is so low that such renowned scientists would have to reinvent the wheel every day, repeating themselves endlessly, proving the same points year after year because the points do not "stick" the first time. No one reads the fundamental textbooks before spouting off their ignorant nonsense in these Web forums.

Then there is the anti-intellectualism which prides itself in the UFO world as not needing the despised "science", the "scientific method", and scientists, that amateur methods are all that is needed to solve the UFO mystery.

He moans about “flaming”. Reprobative hypocrite: seen this guy go? Seen how progressively with each posting, as he pursues you he becomes more and more abusive, rising to a crescendo of dribble so that he can barely spit the words out?

And there’s more; the basic implication that everyone on the List is stupid and an amateur. Of course we are compared to you Bradley, you fine, upstanding specimen of ridiculousness. I don’t know about you but I have found as I have read his shite over the years that I get to wondering more and more about his private life. I conclude that what he is, is a classic case of some dworker who’s got himself divorced and who’s life is a pile of poo, and as such, he has withdrawn from any meaningful contact with other human beings and sits at his fucking computer every waking moment he’s got, hating absolutely everybody and everything and satisfying himself that he’s above the lot of us as he cybernetically communicates with his Vallee’s and Kaku’s and probably Hawking’s as well.

I don’t follow his logic either about the science thing. Science has had a look. It found some things of interest and questions that needed answering. It couldn’t go any further than that. What fuckwits like him want is for science to descend en masse and to do nothing else until he and his fellow chipmunks are happy. That is never going to happen because the subject isn’t that important and as has been said elsewhere, there ain’t no money in it. And neither will they suck seed anyway, and they know it.

And yet, despite what a shocking place that Updates List is, he cannot stay away. Puleeze. Another one to be taken out and shot. There is simply nothing remotely likable or warm about this man what so everl.

But there was some joy on UpDates today, some nachas. Despite my best efforts, Regan has posted again on the List and unlike the fuckwit before, a posting from the fragrant one is always a welcome gift on a gloomy day. She is a brave lady who is slowly but surely developing a pair on her. She should be applauded for her courage in the face of adversity, namely a retard like me. However, there are some concerns.


Interesting points Eleanor about the exopolitics movement. I've bounced around that topic for awhile; it seems like a good thing, well-meaning anyway. On the other hand, spending (er,wasting?) time on how to deal with ET assumes that there are ETs, and, that we'd know enough about them ("culture," etc) to interact productively. (It also assumes the government would allow "the folk" to get away with it. )It has veered off into Space Brother stuff. Because of that, a lot of investigators, researchers have ignored exopolitics. It's become pretty sillyto a lot of people.

I think we should keep going regarding efforts to get the government to release documents, etc. but at the same time I have that dollop of pessimism, and paranoia, even, that for everything released, there's a whole lot still hidden away. And even if they trotted out a flying saucer on CNN and world leaders somberly told us that this is a craft with outer space beings inside, I still wouldn't believe. Not all of it, anyway.

Still, despite that, I think working towards the release of information on UFOs from as many sources as possible is a good thing.

Firstly, notice she questions the reality of ET. Regan, you saucy cow; you are either one of us or you ain’t. Now I know you wouldn’t want to be one of us, but you know what I mean. I’m talking philosophically here. You’re either a complete fruit loop like the rest of us or you ain’t. WE BELIEVE!! If you don’t then there ain’t no place for you in proper blogland.

There are also concerns about the meaning of what you said. It can be summed up as follows: I want the government to release all their UFO secrets. When they do, I won’t believe them but I still want them to do it. Please. For God’s sake you silly woman, read what you’ve written before you send it out for public consumption. Moron.

And thirdly, I don’t think giving it out for sisterly empathy is a good enough reason to reply to a posting from Eleanor White. You don’t want to get too drawn in there. With Elly, there are only two conclusions you can infer:

Either Eleanor is right about what she says goes on with her friends and acquaintances and indeed herself, in which case then the world is a truly frightening place, OR Eleanor is simply completely and utterly mad and manages to conceal this by being able to write postings in a moderately “together” manner. Which is it? I know which one I go for.

And finally on a more serious note, notice Regan’s opening line about “bouncing around”. Are you bragging again sweetie? Just how large are you anyway dear? And do you have to flaunt it to a woman who may well be flat chested? Class, dahling, class.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Please Explain This To Me; Has Anyone Got Any Drugs?

Now Greg Bishop’s OK. Great Benne book, seems like an OK guy.

He put this up on his blog last week:

Funniest thing I've seen in months

It’s a cartoon. If Greg is to be believed, I wouldn’t be able to carry on breathing while watching this.

So I watched it.

I can only assume that in order to find this as funny as Bish did, you need to be in a motel room “with a friend” and out of it.

If I’ve missed the point, somebody please tell me.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Alien Fuck

Mood; back to a permanent erection

As if to confirm that this blog is no more than a disguised all male frat fest retreat for immature and aggressive young bucks, it is my pleasure to bring you the following URL.

What you will see, and I better warn you just in case you’re a Christian or you actually have detectable morals or ethics, is a porno site where different women are having sex with an alien. A dickless alien to boot. This necessitates the employment of an artificial phallus which has a remarkable similarity to the alien’s own body coloring. I wonder if it might be really his and he lost it in some UFO crash somewhere and they couldn’t sew it back on so they pickled it and get it out on his birthday or something?

UFO The Sex Files

It can take a while to load so do be patient. If you have to wait, why don’t you get your dick out and prepare your load while your computer is doing the same thing. Synchronisity. Aaaaaaah.

The women are, how shall we say, not exactly inspiring though I am rather disturbed by the relatively young ages of some of them. This probably accounts for the fact that the expression on the alien’s face throughout barely changes and I wonder if he found the whole experience an ordeal? This couldn’t be a case of alien rape, could it? Oh, how awful. Perhaps we need to stage an intervention. And yet, there are times when there seems to be real tenderness between Dickless and his female partner so perhaps I have rushed to judgement.

Health warning; please do point anything directly at your computer screen. It is unhygienic.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Ooooooh Mummy, Mummy, There’s A Man With A Big Dick At The End Of My Bed

Mood: alien

Tonight Arthur offers an opinion. He offers an opinion most of the time but he feels like giving himself airs and graces and so is calling this “An Opinion”. Fucking wanker.

“If I’m not there to be the guardian of the gate, then anything nasty can creep in and get at you. The aliens are coming, your government doesn’t care, and you’re going to get eaten up by a big horrible monster.”


The first and pretty much only thought that flew through my mind when I woke up dis mornin' and read all this gob shite was, “Pope is making a twonker out of himself”. True, he doesn’t quite say as much, but not far off.

So, my opinion is, Pope you’re a twat.

What depth, what perspective!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


Mood: anticipatory

It is a working necessity, if a practicing Ufologist, to acquire a toupee if as a result of age or excessive masturbation, you begin to lose your hair. If you don't wear one then there is a serious risk, if calling upon a UFO witness who might be in a fragile state of mind due to their sighting, of tipping them over the edge into madness. If they open their front door and are greeted by the sight of a grinning, bald headed twatipotomus who may also be wearing spectacles that greatly magnify his eyes, the witness could think that one of the aliens on the UFO he had just seen had come round to finish him off. Speaking of which, Biddy always finishes me off but she is very considerate in that direction.

But I digress. Obviously we don’t want witnesses to have heart attacks as a result of opening the door to us. We’ll need them later to help prop up our fragile case when we come under attack on UFO UpDates. So it is essential to appear as normal as possible in our public presentation, even if underneath we are, as is likely what with being Ufologists ‘n all, far from normal. Toupees are the answer!

Some people in Ufology have been very far sighted and are already wearing them. Every so often we will spotlight one such person and hold them up to public ridicule, I’m sorry; I meant to say we’ll put them in the public spotlight. So that the bright light can shine on any outstanding bald bits and make them look even dumber.

Our first spotlightee is author and professional idiot Robert Collins. Robert wrote the marvellous book, Copy Editing? You Must Be Having A Laugh along with a bunch of other retards. We spoke to him:

A. Hi Robert; why do you wear a toupee?

RC. Because I’m bald.

A. Do you think you fool anybody with it?

RC. Yes. Everybody. Nobody has guessed before you.

A. Are you married?

RC. Yes.

A. Didn’t your wife comment?

RC. No, she didn’t notice. I should mention though that she’s blind.

A. If she wasn’t blind, do you think she would notice then?

RC. No, it’s a very good toupee.

A. Actually, you do know it looks like there’s a dead cat sitting on your head?


RC. What breed?

A. Siamese/Persian cross.

RC. That’s OK then.

A. You also look very shiny in that picture Robert. Cadavers look a lot like that after the undertaker has got through with them. Do you mind me asking; are you dead?

RC. No, I use a sun lamp a lot.

Well that’s that then.

Some people take the wearing of a toupee to a fashion extreme and wear one even if they don’t need one. Some people wear “bald toupees” whereby they might have a full head of hair but wear a toupee to convey the impression they are completely bald.

Here is an example of one such person:


And finally, that brings us nicely round to Alfred Lehmberg’s beard.


A dermatologist writes:

“Mr. Lehmberg’s facial hair displays unusual characteristics. The curvature, texture and general strength of the displayed furze strongly suggests to me that that this is not in fact a genuine beard. The overall trait implies that the hair is from the scrotal and anal area of Mr Lehmberg’s body and that he has meticulously extracted each follicle and pasted it on to a gauze sheet which he adheres to his face on a daily basis. This requires some dedication as I would imagine the “wig” would be quite uncomfortable to wear, and that is aside from the smell which I would think would be overpowering. I am not familiar with Mr. Lehmberg but why he would want to go to so much trouble as to convey the impression that he is a wood pixie I do not know.


Monday, November 06, 2006

The Worm Turns And Other Housekeeping Items

Mood; Loving and tender.

I am aware how penile orientated we have been here recently. It isn’t good. We are grown men, most of us, and it is extremely infantile to be as obsessed with our appendages as we have been. And I know I take the blame for this as I am the one that sets the tone. So I feel it is right that we take this matter in hand and put it to bed once and for all. This is what I am suggesting:

On Friday the 10th November at 7:00pm EST (so make the appropriate adjustment time wise to wherever you are in the world), we will have a communal, international, world-wide penis “Hold In”. Wherever we are, we get our penises out for two minutes at that moment in time, clean the tops off, maybe apply a little light dusting with a rouge brush or something, put a shine on, make them presentable, and then put them away forever, at least here on this blog.

If you are a female, you are welcome to join in just by getting a mirror out and having a preen and a prod of your nethers. Have you ever actually looked at yourself? Sigh, so few do. But do not be ashamed for it is but the human body. If you want to share this experience via a web cam, then personally, I wouldn’t have any objections.

And then that’s it; no more genitalia references here ever again.


I have donned my tin helmet and taken up the brace-yourself position. We are about to be bombarded here on this blog by an angry reader, and it could get rough.

Regan is on the warpath and she’s spittin’ feathers.

Apparently you lot have been lying about her and I have been using libel, slander, and silliness in this “circus of wonder”. Perhaps I am the ringmaster as I usher into the sawdust covered arena, with a trumpet fanfare and a twirl of a baton, the odd assortment of freaks and malcontents who display their skills and their nail clippings at this temple to the ludicrous for all the public to see.


Regan is going to expose herself to me, or maybe she’s going to expose me, one or the other, who knows. Whatever, I hope she exposes something. No hang on, I know what it is; she's going to shout at me.

I don’t know what she means by “silliness” but maybe, as Biddy pointed out, it could be something like this:

On Thursday, Regan posted a blog entitled Are UFOs Sticky?


Well, are UFOs sticky? I can only speak for myself dear but I have to concede that they might be if I kept coming all over them.

But I can’t see the point frankly, unless this is some clever, newly discovered method to prevent and hinder alien abduction. Smearing spermatozoa all over a UFO? Who’d have thought!

Do we now need to go back through the literally thousands upon thousands of witness statements, relocate all those poor, troubled people again and ask them if the UFO they saw was sticky, and, if they had come all over it, do they think that would have made the thing go away?

No matter, you go for it girl. I need putting in my place and I cannot blame you for your anger. Smack me about and belittle me (gosh, I do have issues) but please, don’t use bad language. I simply cannot abide someone using swearing and cussing to make their point. It shows an inability to articulate properly.


No one is nasty to me here anymore. It might go some way to explain why Alfred has beaten me hands down as a troublemaker. It seems that deviant, anti social, sociopathalogical, aggressive behavior isn’t sufficient to be marked down as a twat. All you need to do is to take yourself seriously, which Alfred does, and that’s it. And there appears to be something about me which says to you that I don’t take myself seriously. But I do, I do. Shit, fuck; no I don’t. It’s so unfair.


Can I direct you to Guy’s blog at http://oddempire.org/weblog/?p=214 which should take you to yet another thread about me and who I’m not. The man talks sense.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Greg and Kath – An American Love Story

Mood; Flacid.

I am by definition a deconstructionalist. I break down, I don’t build up. The thought did cross my mind that all this negativity might be a bit wearing and that it might be a good idea to try to say something nice about someone for a change. But who? Who is there on UFO UpDates to say something nice about?

So off I go to the web site, UFO Updates, 100 latest messages, and my eyes scan down the list. You’ve got to be joking, right? I mean, I am stuck, totally stuck. Surely there has to be someone I can enthuse about.

I notice Nick Pope’s name. A Brit. I’m tempted to say “Another fucking Brit”. There’s a few on the List, scurrying around like rats with the plague, spreading pixie dust here and there. There’s the two Pelicanists plus attendant camp followers, “camp” being the word. Shough, who is Scottish and who has now become so boring as to potentially rival Frizz Chops. Miller - well OK’ish, Dickenson – a bit higglty pigglty, occasionalist David Haith, McGonagle, kerchung. Well, you can’t mention McGonagle without mentioning Pope, can you? McGonagle trails Pope round the List like a dog trailing a bitch on heat, his nose permanently stuck up Pope’s ass. So, Pope is a man under pressure. Why? McGonagle, Clark, Roberts, Anthony hate him. Do we care? Not really. Can we say anything nice about Pope? We’ll try.

Here goes. Nick Pope uses UFO UpDates to constantly remind us he is or was important by sending in posts that say, “I made this documentary in ……..” or “I will be appearing on this……………” or “When I was at the Sec Air 2 desk I…………..” and so fucking on and on.



You were going to say something nice about Nick Pope, weren’t you?

I was.

Why haven’t you?

Because he’s an opportunist who rarely contributes, he just takes.

Is that what you think?




Would you like to revert back to type?


This wasn’t very successful, was it?


Why do you think that is?

Because the entire List are a bunch of wankers.

I see. OK, go and be nasty again.


You should trust me. My instincts are pretty much always right. I have had occasion to make the odd marginally critical comment about Greg Boone and Kathy Kasten. He would fail a brain monitor test and she comes across like some demented harridan determined to punch above her weight which isn’t very significant in the first place.

Ufologically speaking, from an intellectual perspective they are ideally suited. Both talk sheer crap and have nothing to offer other than hysterical amusement and entertainment for the rest of us.

And so it comes to pass.

This from Thursday, in response to the Neurologically Challenged One’s previous effort along the lines of “Gee Wizz, let’s do the show right here”.

From: Kathy Kasten <catraja@msn.com>
To: ufoupdates@virtuallystrange.net
Date: Thu, 02 Nov 2006 17:32:02 +0000Subject:
Re: Ufology Mentalities

>From: Greg Boone <Evolbaby@aol.com
>To: ufoupdates@virtuallystrange.net
>Date: Wed, 1 Nov 2006 09:16:47 EST
>Subject: Ufology Mentalities

>We've all got our gripes and pet peeves when it comes to the types of
>mentalities that arise from ufological research.

>Some of these mindsets come from the public, some from the press,
>scientists, military, and of course other ufologists.

>The ones that set my teeth on edge are:

Thank gawd, there is another sane thinker out there. I thought I was all alone in the Universe.


You are Kathy, you are. Thank gawd there aren’t any more like you.

But see, they’ve found each other. Do you detect a swoon on the part of Ms. Kasten towards Brain Dead? “Why Greg, you are so clever. You’re so knowledgeable, so worldly. Teach me Greg, Teach me. Greggie, how do I undo this bottle of peroxide Greggie? Oh, you’re so strong too”.


Well, I had to. Sick stick Biddy please, sick stick; Now what the fuck is that? Oh gee, I have got problems. And this bit is so elasticky, so stretchy. Twaaaaaaaaang. I’m not sure that should be in there.

Never mind.

I predict phone fucking to follow soon and an engagement to be announced by Christmas. You mark my words.


Alas and alack, Alfred is brown nosing too.


This time I might use a bucket as doing it on the floor is so messy.

I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
I’ve dropped a load of vomit
And now I need a blow.

Alfred are you busy?
Are you free to go?
Cos if you’re doing nothing
I think I’ll have that blow.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Somebody Stop This Man Before I Slit My Throat

Mood: Permanent erection. Can’t seem to do a thing about it. Have taken the spoon to it, caught it in the door, etc. but all to no avail.

Update UFO UpDates blog is prepared to offer a reward of $500 to anyone who can successfully stop Eugene Frison from posting to the UFO UpDates mailing list. Ever again. Any means considered. He’s still at it, still waffling on and on and on. Its simply unbelievable.

A further $1000 will be given to anyone who can successfully stuff the cork from a wine bottle so far up his ass that it pops out of his mouth, purely as a punishment for the pain and agony that weasel farting, chin dribbling, neolithic chimpanzee brained, twaddle talking cretin has put us all through.

Well, me anyway.

The man is driving me stark staring mental. As you can see from yesterday’s posting, my state of mind is on a knife edge as it is, what with the tension over the Kimbling voting, but this man is destroying whatever will and joy I had left to live. He is killing me. Somebody stop the droning, malodorous, obnoxious, dick head of a twat before I get off my ass and hurl my fucking computer through the freaking bloody window.

Other than that, I do hope you’re all having a very pleasant weekend. After exhausting myself foaming at the mouth yesterday, I will rest tomorrow, Sunday, so that I can come back at ya fully revitalised and refuelled with a tank full of more top grade bile and nausea for another thrilling week of entertainment.

Well someone’s got to do it, haven’t they.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Lehmberg, you back stabbing, underhanded, cheating, puss filled, scurvy ridden self abuser.

Mood: Like a diarrhoeic man desperate for a shit who’s had to hold it in for ages and then finally gets to a head; Explosive.

What in the name of sweet Jesus, his whore Mary, and the fucking gospel of Biddy, the holy saint of fellatio is going on? I mean, what the fucking, cunty, shitty faced twatting hell is happening here? I am livid, I seriously am. Just what has a scumbag of a human being like me got to do to actually get people to hate him enough to vote him the nastiest piece of faecal matter ever to be found on the heel of their shoes on fucking Kimbling’s blog?


I’m batting along here doing my best to utterly revolt and disgust anyone that gets with in smelling distance of this place and fucking Alfred just sits there playing with his twonker and is matching me neck for neck, nay, now actually beating me. How do you do it you back stabbing, underhanded, cheating puss filled, scurvy ridden self abuser? How do you get people to hate you enough so that even when you aren’t doing anything in particular, they still turn out in their droves to nail ya? What’s the secret? Sheeeesh. Tell me; am I too nice?

Get on to the fucking page, seventh category down, and press “Arthur”. And don’t lie to me and tell me you’ve done it when you haven’t.


Have you seen this load of posturing shit at Aliens Ate?



To whom it may concern (if anyone),I have a novel to finish by the 30th of this month, so I may not be posting here as regularly, or in as much detail, as I'd like to. Nevertheless, I may have a few surprises in store for you, so keep checking back.


Oh fucking lah di dah. I’m a ponce and I’m writing a novel. Nyah, nyah. I have a deadline to meet, gosh, I must rush. Bags to pack, cats to shag, squirrels to cancel. Tell you what, you knobbing posturing asshole; stay away for November and for the rest of all eternity as well.


I am thinking of changing my name here to Anonyarthur out of empathy with the rest of you. But I have a question for you girlie boys out there. Will it make my ass look big? I can’t tell just by looking in the mirror. Be honest and don’t just say what you think I want to hear. After all, we're not women.


It suddenly hit me. Regan is among us. She has indeed assumed a masculine “Anony” identity and is parading around daring us to out her. We must not leave any stone unturned in order to expose her. Look for anyone with a moustache.


I know it’s a bit late because I’ve already done it but does anyone have any objections if I use the C word? It is only polite to ask and after all, I wouldn’t want to offend anybody. Do let me know.


Who’s This?#4

We all knew it would end, did it ever really begin, there are no more UFOs and it was debateable if there were any in the first place. But those on UFO UpDates, and we won’t mention any names – we all know who they are – refuse to let go and persist in their petty ego buffeting and posturing, and by their presence block the progress of a subject that could develop into a genuine science. Has beens and past-their-bests like Clark and Hall………..

Actually, there is a deep sense of irony about Reynolds both in his views and in his present blogging effort.


Let’s start with that. It carries a picture of a dodo as if to imply that that is exactly what Ufology is; dead as etc. It doesn’t strike him that everybody else views him in exactly the same way, and as irrelevant too. This latest blog is just another effort indistinguishable from the rest. There is nothing new and it’s sad.

The other irony about Reynolds was that he wanted the old guard out so that new people could come in with a fresher, more radical approach. Rightly or wrongly, age is a factor and he ain’t no spring chicken. His agenda was indeterminable, probably because there wasn't one, and his age would have prevented his acceptance into the mainstream anyway (fuck; an Alfred word). He wanted to be drawn in and cuddled but Wendy Connors and her honey puddle got in the way. Bababoom.

We move on. Next?

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Vote For Me

Mood today; farting like a fucking cow that’s not been milked for a week

Its erection time and Kimbling, he of the massive cock, is running some nonsense at his site called the 2006 Zorgy Awards.


There is a section there entitled Best UFO / paranormal "Trouble-maker" and I am listed along with Nick Redfern and Alfred. Redfern is a joke because he does not cause trouble and…………… come to think of it, Redfern might have caused a few problems in the past, but lets leave that for the moment. Talking of jokes, you can also forget Alfred. So that leaves me, obviously the most unpleasant and malicious troublemaker currently striding around Ufology at the mo and thoroughly deserving winner of this title. So fucking vote.

And now a serious note; looking around the comments sections of various threads here, I notice that everyone seems obsessed with poor Regan Lee. This woman has been well and truly put through the wringer at this blog in a most unpleasant and unnecessary way. Whatever criticisms Ms Lee may or may not have made previously about men or male ufologists have been entirely borne out and confirmed by the antics of a few. What pleasure you small minded witless morons may have derived from mocking and intimidating a woman is more of a reflection on yourselves than anything else. Some of you have been nothing short of pathetic, particularly the idiot that thought it funny to deconstruct Regan’s self portrait in such a cruel and pointless way.

As the blog owner/author Regan, please accept my apologies.

And now on to happier and nicer things. I have a zit on my right testicle and want to squeeze it but am afraid of the pain. If there is anyone here called “Abby”, then please tell me what to do.

Oh, and I see that someone has let the village idiot out of the asylum again:


Somebody fucking tie him up in a sack and throw him over a bridge into a river. Puleeze.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

A Tragedy of Sadness

This thread should really be titled Twat The Fucking Useless Gerbil #2 but that would be too harsh. What I am writing about is something that requires delicacy and gentleness because it is tinged with sadness.

The recent and desperately still ongoing exchanges between Eugene Frison and Don Ledger, spread across at least two different threads and possibly three – I lost interest and couldn’t keep up – have been quite remarkable. “Remarkable” implies outstanding in the sense of quality but the reality is that they have been utterly pathetic. Rarely have I seen a man destroy himself and make himself look so utterly foolish as Eugene Frison has done. Its been like watching an articulate but imature child shoot himself in both feet. Don has just sat back, prodded the fire occasionally, and then let Eugene do the rest. If Don was a cruel man, which I doubt he is, he will now be laughing his proverbial head off. More likley he will just have permitted himself a smile.

The content of the exchanges don’t even seem to matter anymore and I’m certainly not going to dig all the material out and parade it here. One snippet in particular though does go a long way to explain a lot.

From Eugene: “Don't worry, I'll be very brief.” 70 lines later, this self obsessed idiot is still at it.

And as the argument/debate begins to unravel, because anything Eugene is involved with eventually does, it is always the same accusations from him;

“It is you who have deliberately misinterpreted what I said.”

You have chosen to ignore the points I made about……….”

“How come you didn't respond to my questions concerning…………..”

“I, at no point, argued that…………….”

And so on.

The List needs a rest from Eugene for a while so that both he and we can forget a little.